Returning to the past
by Derenayoo
Summary: Okay, so chapter 1 of my first fic. Dan left after 6x08 and now (5 years later) he returns. He's only had contact with his Father and Jenny. Now he aims to return to what once was "his world". So yeah, read and review I guess? :)
1. Chapter 1 - The Return

Info: set 5 years after 6x08. Dan left New York and headed for Europe.

He is now returning to New York, his old home. But how will things have changed? He has only had contact with his father and sister and 5 years is a long time.

* * *

Dan stepped out off the airport and took a deep breath, the air could not be com pared to what it had been like in europe - some would suggest that it was polluted but it was more than that for him, it was home. Dan was startled by how little New York's façade had changed, it was reassuring because he was not expecting anything else to have stayed as it was. His thoughts trailed to what had happened 5 years ago, it is said time heals all wounds but this?

Dan refocused on the present, he had a lot of luggage so he hailed himself a cab and headed for the loft hoping to meet his father there. Nobody knew of his ret urn, not his father, not Jenny, nobody. Once more Dan lost track of time engulfed in his thoughts, he had tried to avoid confronting what he did to them 5 years ago, what he did to Serena, but it was too late now, he had returned and he was not retreating just like that.

Rufus opened the door and the expression in his face left no doubt to how surprised he was by Dan's surprise visit, "D.. Dan" he stammered clearly overwhelmed. " Hello Dad" he answered frankly, not quit e sure what to say or how to act. He had not seen his father for 5 years now and the atmosphere was clearly intense. Rufus ended the awkward moment of silence hugging his son and expressing how much he had missed him multiple times. Finally Dan felt some relief, a part of him had been restored.

Dan awoke to the smell of waffles, this instantly made him feel comfortable and at home whilst he also experienced some pain, it reminded him of what he had los t, what he had done to them, what he had done to her? He sprang to his feet eagerly because even though this was his first morning back in New York he was not willing to waste any time, he needed to f ind out what had happened in the 5 years , what they were doing, what she was doing.

* * *

Dan couldn't get his mind off of the encounter with his friends or whatever he could call them presently, he had been planning this for the past 5 years yet he was nervous, he had no idea where they were at or what they were doing. He was walking through New York and every corner , every shop came with a memory, some pleasant, some less. Finally he decided that i could not go and confront them, there was no way in hell that it was possible. Dan returned home and hoped that time would solve my problems.

* * *

3 days later nothing had changed, Dan was still clueless on how he could find out on what had happened in the time of his absence. He had achieved nothing since he had arrived. The only times he had left the loft were when he got the post or answered to the pizza-delivery service. It became obvious that the first step he would have to take was adapting to the situation, he needed a fresh start. Dan went started his laptop to browse for a hairdresser, when he opened Firefox it struck im - there it was the gossip girl site link. He had completely forgotten about it, he had not used it since he left 5 years ago. This was it, this was his key to get information. But would he able to get it running again?

An hour later he made his first post, he had been to the hairdresser where he had gotten someone to take a picture of himself:

_A few days ago I received information that Dan Humphrey had returned to the city, however their was no proof. Well, now I have received this picture of Dan getting a new haircut, is it time for me to make a comeback? Will it finally get interesting around here?_

Now it was time to wait and hope that the news that Gossip Girl was back would spread. This was my only chance. Within hours the news spread and he was getting shitloads of mails asking whether gossip girl was making a return. Dan knew that he had to keep the posts coming if he wanted to re-establish the information network he once owned - he knew this was his only chance to find out how the UES had changed.

_No news about Dan Humphrey yet, seems he still is 'lonely boy'. I cannot believe that he hasn't been seen since his arrival. Who is he staying with? His father? Or has he found a place to rest with one of his old friends or even..one of his old flames? I need to know, and you are going to tell me._

Dan knew that this post would make people send photos whenever they Nate, Blair, Chuck and ... Serena. Would this be enough? It was all Dan had for now.

* * *

so this i chapter 1, its my first fic and so please do review and give me some constructive criticism, no idea when i will update, but i'll try to asap.


	2. Chapter 2 - Moving Closer

**Okay, so here goes chapter 2. So yeah its a bit longer than the first one and i hope you like it...review etc. :P**

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Dan opened his laptop just to see "167 new mails!" pop-up right across his screen. He was tired but he knew he would have to check them all if he wanted to find out how the UES had developed in his years of absence. The 5 years in Europe hat pretty been a wasted of time. Well obviously there had been more to it, but this was the shortened, yet very accurate version. Most of the mails where annoying and pointless, but after skimming through what felt like 1000 requests of more information about person X and person Y he found something. It was a picture of Nate, Serena, Blair and Chuck at the Empire hotel. Dan stared at the picture, they all looked so unchanged physically. The picture could have been 5 years old.

Dan knew it was time for him to do something, he could not stay at the loft forever. What were his possibilities from here? Luckily dan had lived a low-profile life in Europe. He spent what he earned, meaning that his Bank account had stayed unaffected. When he checked his balance Dan smiled, it reassured him knowing that he was not threatened by financial problems. He realised it was time to move out of the loft and he already had the perfect place to go to. The Empire. A common meeting place for Chuck, Nate, Serena and Blair. A Hotel. What more could he want.

* * *

He turned back to Gossip Girl to make a post, knowing that if he left the site unattended people would lose interest.

_So they are still united, but how long will that last? I've seen many friendships crumble and i can smell trouble for this one._

Dan attached the picture he had been sent earlier and sent off the blast. He had no time to lose so he instantly shutdown his laptop and began packing. Few hours later he was done. He had told his father about his plans, it pleased him that his father made no objections. It was obvious that, even though Rufus loved Dan, he knew that Dan could not live at the loft forever. Dan had booked a room for 2 weeks already so all that was left to do was hail a cab.

45 Minutes later he arrived. Luckily for him there was a short check-in queue, this minimized the risk of getting seen. Within no time he was in his room unpacking. For the first time since his arrival he actually felt good, genuinely good. He had somewhere to stay for at least 2 weeks, he had re-established his network of communication and information..but one thing was missing. Dan was a bit confused about what the feeling in his stomach could be until he finally realized that he was hungry. He grinned at the thought of being confused about hunger. At first he thought it might be a better idea to order room service, but when did anyone ever eat here? They never used to and he doubted that this had changed.

He called the concierge to make a reservation for 19:30, everyone was set. Dan looked into the mirror and once more he could not stop himself from grinning. After 5 years of isolation with an occasional fling here and there he might finally return to a _life_, ... a "_real life_". He stepped out of his room and made his way towards the elevator. Unluckily The Empire only had one elevator, this meant that he would have to wait quite a while if he was unlucky, so he sat down and began reading a magazine which had been placed on a table next to the elevator. _The loud Bing sound that signalled the opening of the elevator doors ripped Dan back to reality._ He placed the magazine back on the table and stood up, waiting for the elevators doors to finally open, he really was hungry. The doors slid open and inside of the elevator waited an even larger shock. He found himself face-to-face with someone he really hadn't expected..not right now.

"D..Dan" Serena stuttered, evidently under shock. Dan opened his mouth attempting to say something...anything...

"Hello." Dan responded. The atmosphere was intense, he had waited for the chance to talk to her for so long, but now he just wasn't prepared. The awkward silence was interrupted when Serena starting jamming the buttons in the elevator. The doors closed and she was gone. Startled by what just happened Dan remained in position. He was unsure what to do, how to react. He had to order his thoughts. When he had just turned around to return to his room his feelings just overwhelmed him. He turned around and moved towards the staircase. He had to find her. He had to talk to her, this might remain his only chance. Dan couldn't remember moving this fast ever before. Normally he would have been exhausted at the end of this endless staircase but adrenaline was rushing through his body. The lobby was empty. Where could she have gone? was she still in the elevator? Or Had she left already? Dan became dizzy, but this time it was not the hunger causing it. He was frustrated that he had let the chance go. He checked his phone - 19:33. At least he was still in time for his dinner reservation.

He sat down at a table by the window. His heart rate had returned to normal and he had come to terms with what he had just done. Serena now knew that Dan was staying at the Empire. What would she do next? He was really angry at himself, how could he just waste a chance like that. A waitress came to his table;

"How can i help you?" She inquired politely.

"I'd like the a tomato soup for starters and the Chicken as a main dish please." Dan answered.

"Okay, and you room number is?" she continued now obviously eager to finish with the order.

"1409," dan answered.

"Thankyou" she said, smiling at him and consequently moving on to the next table.

* * *

Serena left her room and headed for the elevator again. She had made a dinner reservation but after her encounter with Dan, which had left her in a terrible state, she just couldn't go. Luckily there were still free tables and she could go have dinner now. She didn't understand how this all happened. What was Dan doing at the Empire? Was he visiting someone? Probably, what other reason is there. He isn't living here is he.. The elevator doors opened and Serena decided to consider these things later. She had more pressing things to decide, such as what she was going to eat. She seriously needed a break. The past days had been horrible. Dan and Gossip Girl returning - this meant trouble.

* * *

**Okkkkaaay, so i ****can't believe i updated that fast but i need to get some sleep now. Next chapter needs some thought. This one was already plotted out in my head, making it easy to write. Please review etc. Tell me what you are expecting/hoping for. inspire me! :P**


	3. Chapter 3 - So close, yet so far

**Okay, so here goes chapter 3 :) Hope you like it.. thankyou for the reviews and the feedback!**

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Serena walked towards the restaurant, she was happy that she could finally get some food. She had just apologised to the waitress for being delayed when she saw him. What was he doing here now? Was he trying to prevent her from eating? She couldn't believe it.

"Miss Van der Woodsen? Are you okay?" The waitress asked when Serena hadn't been answering to her questions.

"No...I mean yes, sure yes i am perfectly well, but..ehm...I will have to go now." Serena said already in the process of turning around and leaving.

Serena made her way back to her room. She couldn't believe this was happening. Still plagued by hunger she plundered the entire minibar. Kit-kat to Pringles she ate it all. This process of eating through the large variety of minibar snacks made her realise something drastic - Dan was actually staying at the Empire. The thought killed Serena because she herself was living here for now. One month ago she had broken up with Mitchell, it wasn't really a painful breakup since the 4 month relationship never was anything more than a distraction, but it had left her 'homeless' and since she did not want to resume living at her mother's place she decided to live at the empire until she found somewhere to live or maybe someone to live with. But for now she was trapped. Trapped in a hotel with someone she never even expected to see again. His departure had left her in a complex state, with her feelings constantly changing. But as time passed she got over it. The wounds healed and she moved on. Now that Dan had returned, what did that mean for her? It was painful for sure because he was leaving her in a dilemma once again - should she tell Blair, Nate and Chuck about this? Or should she keep it for herself and hope that he was not here to stay?

* * *

Dan signed the check, the food had been delicious. At least this aspect of the evening had gone well. He returned to his room and jumped under the shower. He was really exhausted. If he kept throwing away chances like that...He didnt even want to think about it. He just wanted to get a good nights sleep and try again. At least he knew that they still visited The Empire regularly. Dan knew there was one last thing to do today, he opened his laptop to make one last post, but he only had 7 new messages, all of which were boring and pointless. Dan decided their was no point. He turned of the lights and went to bad, falling asleep instantaneously.

* * *

Serena awoke to the sound of her phone - she had received a text. Slowly she opened her eyes and glanced over at the clock, 8:30 am. This couldn't be real. After struggling to fall asleep after such a hard day this is what she gets. She grabbed her phone to see who could have possibly done this to her..

_Blair: We r still meeting at 9:30 right?_

Serena sighed, not only did this make the dilemma of telling Blair about Dan or not more real than ever, but it also put her under time pressure. She got a quick shower and put on some clothes. 8:57. 33 Minutes seemed about enough to get to her destination, but she still didn't know what to do about Dan. She couldn't believe that he returned. Why did he have to this? Withing 24 hours of knowing about his return her world was already beginning to crumble.

"Serena..You are late" Blair said when Serena finally stepped through the doors.

Serena looked at her watch 9:37, "7 Minutes Blair..." she said jokingly trying her best to fake a smile.

"Yes, exactly my point Serena. You either arrive on time or you don't come at all. So Serena what is troubling you?" Blair said seeing through Serena's façade without problems.

Serena didn't know how to react, she didn't expect this. She had no back up plan, she didn't want to lie, but she didn't want to tell her about Dan either.

"Its just..I'm not feeling well...I didnt catch a lot of sleep" Serena answered only revealing parts of the truth.

"Why didn't you tell me S, we could have rescheduled..." Blair responded.

"I'm sorry, it's just I haven't had a lot of time for you lately and I didn't want to reschedule again..." Serena said noticing that Blair was believing her.

"Okay, well just go home and catch some sleep, we'll talk later" Blair suggested, now smiling again.

"Okay" Serena answered.

Serena went home, partially feeling relieved that the Dan's return still was a secret but also feeling bad about lying to Blair. It was getting worse by the minute. Serena knew this couldnt go on. She knew that couldn't avoid Dan forever. She knew that she would have to confront him if she wanted to make peace with the past and she knew she would have to do it soon.

* * *

When Dan finally woke up it was 10:30. He had gotten exactly what he needed - a good nights sleep. Dan had decided that he would let Gossip Girl rest for now. The site had fulfilled its purpose, he was so close to finally making peace with the past. The past which has been plaguing him for long enough now. He needed another encounter with her and he needed it soon. And one thing was for sure, he wasn't going to miss another chance.

* * *

**Okay, so there goes chapter 3. Already started chapter 4 but i thought this was a "logical" place to end this chapter. Hope you like it, next ones sure going to be interesting. Still in the process of thinking about it so it might take a while since it will decide the direction of the story. I can either make it end at chapter 6/7 or make it longer so that we get a total of 9/10 chapters. Not sure yet :S review and follow all that stuff ;)**


	4. Chapter 4 - The encounter

**Okay thankyou for reviewing :) If i red through them and well some of you will notice that i have really considered and implemented what you said! :)**

* * *

Someone knocked on the door of Serena's hotel room. Startled Serena moved to the door, who could this be? She hadn't arranged to meet anyone. If it was Dan..She didn't know what to do if it really was him but she had to open. Or did she..? Confused she stood in front of her door, waiting for nothing in particular.

"Serena...are you there?" a familiar voice asked from outside the door.

"Nate, is that you?" Serena asked, still confused.

"Yes..Now could you please open the door?" Nate responded, now evidently confused as well.

Serena opened the door rapidly, noticing how awkwardly she had just reacted. She just hoped Nate didn't develop any suspicions, dealing with Blair was one thing but Nate as well. She really didn't like the sound of that.

"Whats up?" She asked smiling at him.

"Well, i was on my way to see Chuck and i thought i'd check by, we haven't really seen much of each other lately." He was right, they really hadn't seen a lot of each other lately. Serena had seen little of all her friends lately, simply because she didn't want risk them finding out about Dan's return. Once more Serena noticed what a large effect Dan's return had on her.

"That is nice of you." Serena said smiling at him

"Yeah, well Blair also told me that something else has been wrong with you lately and I've become slightly worried.." Nate said, cleary expressing something he has been thinking about.

"Oh? No its nothing. I've..I've just not had a lot of sleep lately" Serena said, still doing her best to smile.

"Alright then, I've got to get going now. See you soon?" Nate asked, making it obvious that he did not quite believe what Serena had just said.

"Yeah sure, see you!" Serena answered.

Once more Serena felt relief knowing that for now the secret was safe. But she also knew that she was under time pressure. Where was Dan? When would she finally find him again?

* * *

Dan was really getting nervous. Time meant nothing to him right now. He was always alone and the isolation was starting to get to him. What if he didn't get another chance like the one he just threw away at the elevator? It was a really painful thought. Dan was tired of waiting, but what else could he do. He was sure that Serena would come to The Empire at some point. At least he hoped that she would. Everyday it got worse. Every hour..every minute even. It was just insane and he hoped it would end soon. It was time that he found out where Serena was now and where he could meet her again. He flipped open his laptop and went straight to google.

_Where is Serena van der Woodsen?_

Dan was startled by the amount of hits this search had - this meant she had to be somewhere unusual. After flying over a few articles he finally found a relevant one, it was from 3 days ago:

_After Serena's break up with Mitchell there have been few public appearances by Serena. Moreover there have been rumors about her whereabouts. We finally solved the mystery. A very reliable source has reported that she is living at The Empire. In addition we have received various photos of Serena eating in the restaurant as well as sitting at the bar. Now the question is what is she doing at The Empire?_

Dan closed the laptop. Could this post be true? Was Serena really at The Empire? He had no time to think, instantly he rushed to the phone and called the concierge!

"Hello this is Dan Humphrey calling from room 1409. My friend Serena van der Woodsen is staying at the hotel and..well i need her room bumber please"

"I am sorry, but this is very confident information. I will not be able to pass this on over the telephone" a woman, presumably the concierge, said. She instantly hang up.

Frustrated Dan made his way down to the lobby, he wasn't giving up like that. He went to see the concierge and surprisingly this time she gave him Serenas room number. Apparently she red a lot of gossip magazines and therefore she knew about their history but she couldn't just give him the information on the phone. Room 1603. He had all the information he needed. But what was he going to do now? He had no more excuses for not confronting Serena. None whatsoever. He headed back to the room. He needed to think. He needed to prepare.

* * *

Once more there were knocks on Serena's door, who could it be this time. Only about 30 minutes had passed since Nate's last visit, all she wanted was some peace. She made her way to the door when she heard voices..

"What is taking you so long Serena...Open the door." It was Nate again and Serena was getting slightly annoyed, but she had to open the door...

"Hello Nate...why are you paying me a visit...again?" Serena asked, clearly discontented.

"Well..Chuck didn't feel well and I thought we could..catch up?" Nate suggested "We really havent talked in a while and you know.." Nate was interrupted by a further series of knocks. "Who's that", Nate continued, "Are you expecting someone?" The knocks continued.

"No" Serena said, evidently confused. She made her way to the door to open not even thinking about who it could be. Nate followed her.

"Dan?" Serena and Nate said simultaneously after she opened the door..

There was an awkward atmosphere. Dan did not expect Nate to be here and neither Nate nor Serena were expecting Dan at all. Finally after what felt like an hour of silence Dan lightened up the atmosphere..

"Ehmm..can i come in?" Dan asked, his voice trembling.

"What are you doing here?" Nate asked. Serena was still paralysed and too overwhelmed to answer.

"I was hoping to talk to..to see Serena." Dan answered, unsure how to act.

"Well i don't think she wants to see talk to you Dan!" Nate answered trying to be protective. Finally Serena understood what was happening.

"Its okay Nate...I've got this." Serena said.

Nate turned around and stared at Serena. He didn't understand this.

"Please just go Nate, really I've got this." Serena continued.

Confused Nate stumbled out off the door past Dan. The whole situation was a mess. An unpredictable mess. There was another moment of awkward silence. Nates presence had really surprised Dan, leaving him confused and unsure on how to act.

"Ehm..Can i come in?" Dan asked, finally getting his shit together.

"Sure..yes..i mean yes, yes you can come in", Serena answered, "But Dan what are you doing here..in Ney York...in The Empire?"

"I, I just couldn't bear it anymore. My mind..it..it was handicapped. Serena...I missed you.." Dan responded.

"No Dan. No, you cannot come back into my life." Serena said, knowing that at some point he would step out of it again, leaving her world in turmoil once more.

"Serena..I.." Dan got interrupted.

"No Dan, it doesn't matter how sorry you are. This cannot happen Dan. It just can't." Serena said. "Please just leave Dan, we can't do this...not again"

Dan wasn't giving up. Not now, he had not come so far just to give up now. He was prepared to fight.

"Serena. I am not leaving. I have gone to incredible lengths to be here right now. I am not letting you go just like that. 5 years ago i made a huge mistake. I wanted to prove that i was powerful. But i made a huge mistake selling out all my friends on the way. At the point i just didn't see another way. And Now, for 5 years, everyday, i have suffered because of the decisions I made back then. I tried to escape by going to europe, by travelling constantly but nothing helped. Serena. I am sorry."

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**Sooooooooooooo...cliffhanger i guess haha, whats happening next? Not sure when i will update next. review etc. etc. blabla hope u liked the chapter.**


	5. Chapter 5 - Too late?

**Okay, first off thankyou for the reviews :)! Really appreciate it. Seconldy i wanted to inform you that my holidays have ended and hence I have less time now. I have been making updates frequently (Well I guess my chapters aren't that long so that's why it worked) and it might get less. But I'll try to update as much as possible.**

* * *

Dan lay on his bed embracing the silence. He was still replaying the events that had occurred about an hour ago. He was constantly questioning his decisions. What would have happened if? It was driving him crazy. He felt the urge to go to Serena's room and try again, but he knew she had made it very clear that she needed time and space. A lot of time and a lot of space. Dan stood up and paced his room. He just could not get any rest. It was a frustrating feeling, he knew all he could do was wait.

* * *

Serena awoke to the sound of her phone ringing. It was dark and she was searching for it in her purse. When she finally found it she glanced at the time. 23:39. Who could possibly be calling her at this time? She answered the phone.

"Serena?" a familiar voice asked. It was Nate.

"Yes..yes I'm here!" She answered.

"Did...did i wake you or something.. you sound sleepy?" Nate asked politely.

"Oh no, I'm fine don't worry" Serena responded.

"Serena, i was very confused when Dan visited you early..and well I am calling to check if everything is okay?" Nate asked, trying to be caring once again.

"Yes Nate, no problems, thankyou for the call though" Serena answered trying to sound nice.

"Very well...Euh Serena, do you have anything planned for tomorrow?" Nate asked?

"Ehm...No" Serena answered, confused about the point of this question.

"Perfect! I'll pick you up at 10:30. Then we can finally catch up!" Nate answered, obviously satisfied.

"Okay...but..." Serena was interrupted by a beeping sound. Nate had hung up.

A few minutes later Serena finally realised what she had actually just confirmed. She was going to meet with Nate tomorrow, at 10:30. It was not like she had not been meeting Nate regularly, but it had been a long time since they had spent time together just like that, without Chuck and Blair. Why was Nate doing this? Did he still have feelings for her? It was just an awkward situation. Maybe Dan's return had something to do with it? It was just too much for a sleepy Serena to handle.

* * *

The next morning she woke up at 9:45. She jumped under the shower and got ready as fast as possible. Not knowing what Nate really wanted left her unsure on how to act. She thought that he might have feelings for her, but on the other hand wasn't it normal for friends to meet now and then? Then there was Dan whom she had sent away even though his apology was really touching. Regardless of what Nate's intentions where for this meeting..or date...she would have to clarify how she felt towards him. But..how did she feel towards him? At the moment her feelings for Nate - no her feelings in general - were just a mess.

"Whatever.." Serena mumbled to herself as she left her room heading for the lobby, where she was going to wait for Nate.

* * *

Dan was still in bed. He wasn't tired or exhausted, he just had nothing to do. He didn't feel like eating, he didn't feel like doing anything. He was annoyed with himself, annoyed with the situation, just annoyed. He felt completely useless, there was nothing he could do. Now and then he thought of going out for some fresh air, or checking up on his father, but in the end decided not to. It was all irrelevant and unimportant right now, all he could do was wait and hope for Serena to change her mind. One thing was sure, he would not give up.

* * *

"Hello Serena!" Nate said, pulling her attention away from the magazine she had found in the lobby.

"Hi Nate!" Serena said, smiling at him.

"Sooo...you ready?" Nate asked

"Uhm...yeah sure. You in a hurry?" Serena responded.

"No..dont worry about me!" Nate answered, now smiling back at Serena.

The duo left the lobby headed for the café.

* * *

"Hello," the waitress greeted them politely, "have you ordered yet?"

"No, no we haven't." Nate answered

"Well, how can i help you?" The waitress inquired

Serena ordered a croissant and an espresso, Nate only ordered a cup of green tea. This was not the kind of Café Serena had expected to go to - it was not in the Upper East Side.

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**okay, so i know this is..well nothing really, but ive got 0 time to expand on this right now so yeah. just going to publish it so you have "something" at least.**


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